So, an update of how i’m settling in, in this wonderful London life. Before I moved here, I genuinely thought I was instantly going to become more cultured, more sociable and an all-round more interesting person. This hasn’t happened. Asides from my one visit to the Observatory to see the Astronomy photographer of the year (fucking mind-blowing by the way), I spend a vast majority of my spare time in my bed eating a KFC bucket for one watching an extreme amount of Netflix. I chose my Kensington located flat because I genuinely thought that the fact that the Natural History Museum is a mere 10-minute walk-away from me might motivate me to leave my hovel.
London is slightly different than my home-town. For example, I don’t recommend commenting on anything to someone on the tube, even if it’s a compliment. I noticed a woman had Lucky Charm cereal in her shopping bag, so I exclaimed ‘wow, I love that cereal’ whilst enthusiastically pointing at it. She ignored me, the rude creature ignored me, I felt silly. It was highly unnecessary. Also, I don’t wear my glasses a lot and I have no idea how to do eye contact properly. People on the tube don’t look at each other, they stare at their phone or try and memorise the tube map above everyone’s head. I stare at people, if we catch eye contact, I will try and talk to them. This has been met with a mixture of responses, a date request, an evil glare and an old man thinking that I was flirting with him thus making him very uncomfortable, you also have the people who think you’re completely mental.
I awoke a couple of nights ago to two police humans at my door. They were telling me that two men were trying to break into my flat. I heard the banging but I assumed it was my housemate, alas he wasn’t even in. I’m uncertain what I would have done if they got in – probably made them a cup of tea and been so nice to them that they would feel too bad to stab me and steal my nothing-of-any-value belongings. I’ve also had my bank card cloned, they tried to pay for a bnb in Barbados, lucky sods, I’m sure the weather is lovely there, it’s definitely a place I’d consider going if I were to steal some girls pittance of a bank balance.
So, anyone who knows me is aware that when I like a human I will literally rip out my heart and smash that person in the face with it until they swear their undying love for me or tell me to fuck off and stop being so weird. Well, I am dating a real-life creature, whats more he enjoys how intense of a being I am, positively embraces it. It’s crazy-early days, so I’m very much aware that I have to hold-in the crazy for a little longer but at the moment I’m smiling and very very excited.
This is me… doing selfies before my date…. why? Because I was feeling fit and I wanted to capture that moment.