Are you drunk?

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You know those people? The ones who turn up their noses at you and scrunch their faces and say in a derogatory mannar ‘are you drunk?’ Now, even when bladdered, a question of such repugnance, forces me to defensively say ‘no’ and shield myself from their look of distain. Why do people always want to shame people who are slightly inebriated? Even when I’m drinking a delicious glass of wine in front of someone, there is always some holier than thou person who wants me to feel bad about it. Well, I say no more, I like wine, I like it a lot. A lot of the greatest minds are partial to becoming a habitual drunkard, I know most of my lecturers at University were smashed come 11am. Also, the greatest books ever written, most them were aided by a glorious opiate. Now I’m not saying that I am going to become a druggy for artistic purposes, but If I want to have a bottle of wine by myself in an evening whilst I catch up on reading ‘little women’ or am planning my novel, then I will. Unscrew your faces people, and next time you ask me ‘are you drunk?’ I shall reply ‘why yes, yes I am rather battered.’

How does a Snowman get to work? -By icicle

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Now, you may call me a snow grinch, you may wish that I slip on an ice puddle and bleed profusely until I die a painful death for saying this, but I fucking hate snow!

Snow is not fun! Snow is a terrifying pool of accidents waiting to happen. Yes, it looks pretty, but do I really want to venture in the death defying white stuff? No! No I do not! Now you may think I’m being dramatic, and yes I probably am, but I hate the contant fear snow brings. I cant even perform a simple walk to the shop without the constant fear that a pre-pubescent little skid-mark is going to launch an icy cold snow ball to my head. This all probably stems from an incident that occurred last winter when I was walking down the street and I did a full on slap-stick styled fall onto my arse- embarrassing obviously. In my moment of vulnerability I saw a young boy running over to me, ah huzzah my savior, he going to help me up- what a kind lad. Unfortunately I was mistaken, he had only run over to throw an icy ball of shame in my face. His peers applauded him, I cried-they laughed.

There is absolutely no chivalry when it comes to snow. I decided to partake it the traditional ‘oh look snow! We must go sledging’ routine and finally built my confidence to go down the hill on the sledge with my boyfriend, when we fell off at the bottom, did he help me up? No, of course not, he threw snow in my mouth and then put snow down my pants.

so when people declare how marvelous this winter wonderland is, I must decline to agree. It’s freezing cold, you get soaking wet and you have to walk to work. Call me a snow cunt if you will, you are correct I am a miserable bastard, but only because I have snoticles hanging off my nose.

New Year New Me…. And all that other bollocks!

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As I say goodbye to 2012, I am not saddened in the slightest. I did not completely rock it the way in which I wish I did, but (not to sound like an old fart) I got a lot of shit done. I finished uni, started a job, left a job, got a new job and had a little trip to Venice (you know to enrich my culture.) So, although my new years resolution last year was to say ‘fuck it’ and be wild, outrageous, spontaneous and experience all of life’s offerings….. well, I didn’t. I just did a lot of wrapping up the essentials of life and embarking onto a nice steady and healthy future. I mean dont get me wrong I didn’t metaphorically join a nunnery, I still got too pissed, laughed a lot, got drunk with strangers and inflated my pupils, but as I enter 2013, like a lot of people I have high hopes for my changed being. I’m going to be healthier, I’m going to stop being horrible to people, I will stop bitching about the way people dress on my blog, I’m going to make more time for friends and family. Let’s just be honest shall we? I’m not going to stick to this. I have already cancelled the exercise class I booked and eaten a mammoth McDonalds, I’ve slagged off the eyebrows of several of my Facebook ‘friends’ and my healthy food diet is making me grouchy and horrid to other humans.

I dont see the point of this New Year new me rubbish as I dont feel a specific time of year should be the time to change things about yourself that you dont like, you can change them any time of the year. I can try and change the things I dont like about myself but I have to be ready, and the chime of a clock at midnight isn’t going to do that. This year I haven’t made many plans, perhaps go see the world more, see more live music and never stop trying to further your education.

I will probably just continue on from 2012 and keep being awesome!

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My new tattoo, from the film version of Alice in wonderland, the lewis Carrol version was a little too long.

What is going on with Children’s education?

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I don’t know if I’m just one those people that because I loved books as a child I feel everyone should, but I cannot even stress enough the influence childhood reading had over me. I worry that in today’s world children are spending all their time on computer games and games on their phones, so much so that they are learning very little. We are so fortunate to live in a world were information is so readily available, for example google search engines can answer your homework question within minutes. Yes, that’s amazing but when I was at school we didn’t have a computer so anything I needed to learn I went to the library and would have to spend hours upon hours reading and researching until I found the answer. Although I found it a massive inconvenience to my social life at the time, it meant I learnt a lot more than the required topic at the same time and taught me how to effectively find my own unique answers rather than what’s at the top of the google page. I hear of so many parents that let their children watch a TV show before bed rather than read a bed time story, how is this letting your child’s imagination run wild? As a child my sister and I loved to read, we didn’t have much else to do, so we would read Eynid Blyton, Roald Dahl and the Goosebumps series for fun. Then we would swap them and excitedly talk to each other about them after. Even as a child I always had the most vivid imagination, and could find a story in absolutely everything, something that I’ve carried into my adulthood,and I wholeheartedly put that down to reading as a child. I worry now that children, our future, are not only boycotting reading but education as a whole. It’s not cool to be clever, it’s not cool to read. Luckily there are many exceptions to this, but when I look outside my window I see hoards of uneducated YOUNG parents who are then raising uneducated children. I am very fortunate that my mother was extremely passionate about education and loved to read to us, so I had a wealth of literature passed into me from her, however there are so many smart children who are slipping under the radar because their parents are too lazy to read to them, to educate them, because they are not educated themselves. Then, they start school where it isn’t cool to be smart and you get bullied if you get A*’s. When I was at school, it was always a competition of who was the smartest, who was the most well read, who was going to be the most successful. It breaks my heart to see so many kids now hanging around on the streets, no goals in life, no educational ambition, playing the game of who’s the thickest, then getting pregnant and starting the cycle all over again. I could blame the government because of easy accessibility to benefits, the recession ect, but I don’t, you can try and blame the state of economy all you like, but the truth of it is, that it is their parents fault. How can you expect a child to flourish and have any direction/self worth if you don’t put the time and effort in? Bunging your child in front of the television for 8 hours a day whilst you sit there scratching lottery tickets, when you could be reading to them, teaching them things, getting them to open their imaginations and become creatively open. I haven’t raised a child nor would I want to, so you might say ‘what on Earth would I know’ and you’d be right, I’m just taking an educated guess at it.

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